all men range from being decent and supportive individuals to being dangerous sexual predators
While the majority of men — about 70% (from my experience) — are good guys who would never dream of hurting, harassing, or humiliating a woman, the remaining 30% of men range from being mildly problematic assholes to being terrifying monsters.
Excusing the good guys — and ignoring the misogynists and abusers of the physical and emotional sort — the men who behave badly when it comes to sex can be placed on a continuum or graduated scale with mild offenders on one end, violent rapists on the other end, and a variety of total creeps in between.
On the mild side, there are a lot of men who make sexually inappropriate jokes like the disgraced comic and Senator from Minnesota, Al Franken, who posed with his hands pretending to touch a sleeping woman’s breasts. For this transgression, Franken was pressured to resign from his Senate seat. Many saw his resignation as extreme, but in the climate of #MeToo, he felt like he had no choice.
Being subjected to nasty jokes and comments has never been amusing and is certainly not a turn-on. Hearing unwelcome comments about your boobs or butt is uncomfortable, and being physically compared to another woman is demeaning and awkward, even if it is meant to be a compliment. Anita Hill did not appreciate Clarence Thomas’s crude comments about a pubic hair on his coke can.
Men who are sexually aggressive by being pushy, grabby, or touchy are in the middle range of bad sexual behavior. Any unwanted physical touch crosses the line. No woman wants to grabbed. Even seemingly innocuous touching is wrong. Joe Biden has been called out repeatedly. Lucy Flores — candidate for Nevada Attorney General in 2014 — was justified when she complained about Biden sniffing her hair and kissing the back of her head before she went out on stage at a political event. It is unsettling when a man grabs your shoulders and leans in to sniff your hair; you don’t know what is coming next. After being publicly called out, Joe Biden corrected his actions and quit being so “touchy.”
Men who expose themselves without invitation — like Harvey Weinstein, Louis C.K., and Matt Lauer — are a special class of gross. Very few women want to see an unrequested dick pic. Even worse is seeing that penis in person.
When I was fourteen, I was walking through a wooded area near my house, and upon hearing a noise, I turned around to see a naked man. Terrified, I never even saw his face. I immediately ran toward a busy road to safety. Years later, when I was in my mid-twenties, I went hiking with a friend. I sat down to rest and admire the view, and when I turned around this dude had stripped naked. I immediately told him that I wasn’t into him like that, and asked him to put his pants back on. Needless to say, it was an awkward drive home and an end to the friendship. I still can’t imagine what he was thinking. Seeing his dick was certainly not a turn on, and even if I had some interest in having a fling with him, a guy who flashes his dick as an offer of sex will never be my type.
A fine line separates date rapists — men who pressure women to have sex — from violent rapists. These types of men have always existed and always will. Some believe they could never get laid without force, while others enjoy the thrill of a savage sexual encounter. These men are hopeless. Castrate the lot of them and be done with it!
Times have changed
In the 1970s — when I came of age — being told by a stranger, acquaintance, or co-worker that you have a “nice rack,” getting slapped on your ass or unexpectedly kissed on the lips was worth a shrug; today, that behavior could get someone fired. In the old days, a woman couldn’t walk in front of a construction site or large group of men without getting catcalls.
Dealing with sexually “pushy” men was an issue back then. It wasn’t unusual for a strange man or acquaintance who had been drinking to grab my ass or boob at a party. I would tell them to stop, as I slapped their hand away. At age 16, I was repeatedly pressured to have sex with my married boss at the pizza restaurant in the local mall where we worked. He complained to me that his pregnant wife was not putting out. When I continued to refused his advances, he permanently placed me on dishwashing duty until I eventually quit. After a date rape turned violent when I tried to refuse, there were a couple of instances where I went along with a man’s sexual advances, because I feared the consequences of resisting.
Today, standards are vastly different. In a world where many men (and women) are too socially insecure to initiate a telephone call, many young men are incapable of even talking to a female peer face to face. Asking a girl out on a date is inconceivable to them. Welcome to the world of incels — involuntary celibates. These guys stay at home binging porn and listening to podcasts.
The biggest demographic of sexual harassers hail from the baby-boom generation: think Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein, and Donald “grab ‘em by the pussy” Trump. They grew up when standards were vastly different.
Watching old TV shows and movies — from before the 1990s — is eye-opening. Saturday Night Live has to give a disclaimer when showing clips from decades-old shows due to content issues.
In the heat of the #MeToo movement, every transgression was exposed. Unfortunately, little distinction was often made between men who made stupid jokes and true predators. All received the same treatment — being cancelled!
Men who make ignorant comments can be rehabilitated. Men who are inappropriately touchy can be reformed if they are capable of acknowledging the errors of their past. However, men with violent sexual tendencies are irredeemable.
In last days of 2024 — at the time of this writing — two sexual scandals dominate the news: Sean “Diddy” Combs and Donald Trump. Sean “Diddy” Combs remains incarcerated after being arrested for alleged forced sexual activities at his notorious “freak off” parties. More problematic, President-elect Donald Trump — an accused and convicted sexual predator himself — struggles to fill his cabinet positions after the sexual scandals of his key cabinet nominees continue to surface.
Too many men are monsters!
If you, or someone you love, are dealing with the effects of sexual assault contact the group Helping Survivors at https://helpingsurvivors.org/.
(C) Joyce O’Day 2024. All Rights Reserved.
AI was NOT used in the creation of this article.
Joyce O’Day 
A very good read, I have met a variety of those men in my lifetime. It took getting married 3 times to marry a man that wasn’t a narcissist. Dating years were tricky. Never knew what you would get. Almost any man could behave until you had feelings. In a time now that men are saying your body my choice. The election being what it is, this will only get worse.
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