Stop Calling Me “Young Lady” When I’m Obviously Over 60

Your attempt to be “cute” or “friendly” is insulting

I am NOT flattered when someone — young or old — calls me a “Young Lady” when I am clearly part of the AARP crowd.

Lately, it is the fifty-something, old-man security guard at my local grocery store who keeps greeting me as “Young Lady,” and I am not amused.

We all remember the last time we were carded while trying to buy alcohol. I was in my early 30s and I had taken my kids to a water park. Before I even got into the park, I was asked for my ID. I wasn’t even planning on drinking alcohol while supervising my young children during a daytime activity. At the time I was flattered. The next time I got carded was at the airport in Honolulu when I was in my 50s trying to order a glass of wine before my flight. When the bartender demanded my ID, I was seriously annoyed.

So what do I want to be called? At this point in my life, Ms, Miss, and even Ma’am are acceptable. You don’t know me, so don’t assume I am a “Mrs.”

Similarly, don’t call me by my first name unless we are friends or I’ve asked you to. Having the teenage food server or the clerk at the craft store call me Joyce is awkward and weird. It is too familiar when you don’t know me.

Politeness used to matter. I address my dentist who is twenty years younger than me as “Dr. Li,” and I still address my former professors by their “Dr.” title when I run into them. It is a sign of respect and an acknowledgement of their professional accomplishment.

You calling me “Young Lady” when I am at best in the final third of my life is condescending and disingenuous. I feel like I am being mocked. “Yeah, sure, ‘young lady,’ you wish, ha ha ha!”

“Young Lady” is a term best used for girls under age 15 — or by age 21 at the very latest. After that, you are addressing an adult woman who deserves your respect. I understand the need to card anyone who might be under age 35 for the purchase of alcohol — or now cannabis — but carding a gray-haired woman is ludicrous, insulting, and somewhat invasive.

The term “Young Lady” is also sexist. No one calls my husband “Young Man!” And, I only ever hear this term from men. Women seem to know better.

Maybe I’m just being a bitch? Some older women might be flattered by being called “Young Lady.” However, don’t count on it.

Go ahead and wish me a nice day or a good evening or a happy holiday. Just don’t label me. And don’t call attention to my age.